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Life is a Beat Box of Chocolates

God dang it Marco Prokopetz why are you so good at the internets. Thank you for finding this gem and sharing it with me.


They promised.


Tourettes Camp

Here is one of my favorite documentaries ever.

It’s about a bunch of kids with Tourettes syndrome from the UK, who travel to the US to a ‘Tourettes Camp’. Just watch it!

Said the Butcher to YO MAMA

I honestly don’t know where to start with this dump of a restaurant. It was possibly the worst restaurant experience in a while! And I’ve been to some pretty shitty restaurants!

Ok. So. We arrived at the so called ‘best burger restaurant in town’. Said the Butcher to the Cow. It’s right at the Opernring, so it’s a perfect tourist trap location. The entrance is a type ‘slaughter house’ cage which is obviously very welcoming and by welcoming I mean disturbing. We literally had to wave with both hands to get any attention from the asshole waitress. Yes, asshole waitress is what I will call her, because asshole waitress is what she was. We finally got a table, but were informed that it was reserved for 21:00 o’clock. Fine. We were six people. All quite hungry and all in a good mood. Little did we know, our mood will be shredded into pieces by the time the clock struck 21:00! How dramatic.

Right, so, back to the asshole waitress. You know when you were in school and you had to do a science project, but the teacher chose your partner for you and she happened to choose the bitchiest girl in the class? You know that attitude that bitch had? Like this cold “I don’t wanna do this shit with you, but I have to, so I’ll just not really look at you while we do this. Yes, that was the same attitude of our asshole waitress. Why do these miserable, underfucked, unfriendly people choose jobs in gastronomy? I don’t get it.

While waiting for our food, we had time to check out the decor. You can hang your coats on these hooks which obviously are supposed to be like the hooks they hang the cow meat on in the slaughter house. The whole slaughter house vibe was everywhere… But worst of all were those awfully vulgar and actually disgusting slogans all over the place, that constantly reminded you that you were about to eat an innocent animal. The cow is always portrayed as a woman… Hmm.. and generally who ever is in charge of their marketing is just extremely not funny or creative.. and just a big macho meat eating ‘I was once in America and know what good burgers taste like ‘ kinda person. I mean.. Look at this awful quote and tell me you feel comfortable eating a burger after something so vulgar and just sad really.


Our food arrived. The burger was super firm and compressed and just very dry. It felt like our waitress sat on it for two hours before serving it. The fries… lets just say, those fries have never seen potatoes in their lives. We had about three good fries and the rest were just over-fried oil. Like the oil was literally dripping off it. I told the waitress that they were inedible and she replied with a very blunt “OK”. What I hate the most about these burger places is if you have to pay extra for a sauce. I mean, paying extra for some fucking ketchup?! Really? That shit should be on the table, with some fucking mustard as well!!! Also, please avoid their ‘spicy mayo’ unless you like the taste of air, and their homemade ketchup unless you really love celery.

Finally, a male waiter arrives at our table and tells us to leave. He literally said this ‘Ihr müsst jetzt gehen’. We said sure, our friend is just about to finish her drink… ‘Nein jetzt müssts wirklich gehen!!!’ He even raised his voice! Obviously I wasn’t gonna let that slide and told him everything I thought about this shit-hole he calls his work place and his awful attitude and how him being so rude is a great way to making sure we won’t ever be coming back to this place again. He turned quite red and tried to save his ass by saying no I wasn’t rude.. I’m not raising my voice bla bla, but I left him a nice silent but deadly fart and was out the door before he could apologize.

We left. For good! We wanted to try their cheesecakes, but with such an awful atmosphere, who’d wanna stay another minute in there? So we went to McDonalds and had a nice cheeseburger there, and I gotta tell you, it was so satisfying.


I don’t know man, the whole burger hype in Vienna is driving me crazy.

There are soooo many burger joints in Vienna right now, but for some reason it almost feels like the restaurants that don’t actually specialize in burgers, seem to have the best burgers! I mean, I would choose a Halle or Zweitbester burger over a Burger Meister or Chiq Chaq burger any day (with the amount of liquid that comes out of their burgers they could literally stop the drought in California ! Their American apple pie is delicious though and their staff is soooo friendly) But hey, what about Weinschenke? Weinschenke has some seriously YUMMY BURGERS.. but it makes me suspicious.. is it yummy because its genuinely a delicious burger or is it yummy because you have to wait for over any hour for it and at that point you’re so hunger you’ll friggin eat anything at all. Also at Weinschenke.. after a certain time (I think 10pm?) they let you smoke indoors… EW! I still really like their burgers, but last time I had to wait for 1 hour and 20 minutes for a simple burger with cheese.. and that was not so cool. Oh and one more thing about Weinschenke.. it’s EXPENSIVE! Burger Masta is sadly a place I will not be going back to unless they change their menu. Damn. That burger still haunts me to this day. Burger Bros and OmNom burgers are quite good though! I’ll be going there again for sure!

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A Cheeseburger and Bacon Burger at Burger Bros

I haven’t been to every burger joint in Vienna yet, so I am still on the look out for the best burger in town. Tell me about the best burger you had in this town and I’ll post about it on here! x

P.S. I love those super cute and small Siopao burgers at Hotel am Brilliantengrund. Its not your typical traditional burger (it’s Pinoy food) but it’s definitely worth trying! Look at this tiny tofu burger! Yummy!

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