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Said the Butcher to YO MAMA

May 27, 2015 / 0 Comments

I honestly don’t know where to start with this dump of a restaurant. It was possibly the worst restaurant experience in a while! And I’ve been to some pretty shitty restaurants!

Ok. So. We arrived at the so called ‘best burger restaurant in town’. Said the Butcher to the Cow. It’s right at the Opernring, so it’s a perfect tourist trap location. The entrance is a type ‘slaughter house’ cage which is obviously very welcoming and by welcoming I mean disturbing. We literally had to wave with both hands to get any attention from the asshole waitress. Yes, asshole waitress is what I will call her, because asshole waitress is what she was. We finally got a table, but were informed that it was reserved for 21:00 o’clock. Fine. We were six people. All quite hungry and all in a good mood. Little did we know, our mood will be shredded into pieces by the time the clock struck 21:00! How dramatic.

Right, so, back to the asshole waitress. You know when you were in school and you had to do a science project, but the teacher chose your partner for you and she happened to choose the bitchiest girl in the class? You know that attitude that bitch had? Like this cold “I don’t wanna do this shit with you, but I have to, so I’ll just not really look at you while we do this. Yes, that was the same attitude of our asshole waitress. Why do these miserable, underfucked, unfriendly people choose jobs in gastronomy? I don’t get it.

While waiting for our food, we had time to check out the decor. You can hang your coats on these hooks which obviously are supposed to be like the hooks they hang the cow meat on in the slaughter house. The whole slaughter house vibe was everywhere… But worst of all were those awfully vulgar and actually disgusting slogans all over the place, that constantly reminded you that you were about to eat an innocent animal. The cow is always portrayed as a woman… Hmm.. and generally who ever is in charge of their marketing is just extremely not funny or creative.. and just a big macho meat eating ‘I was once in America and know what good burgers taste like ‘ kinda person. I mean.. Look at this awful quote and tell me you feel comfortable eating a burger after something so vulgar and just sad really.

Our food arrived. The burger was super firm and compressed and just very dry. It felt like our waitress sat on it for two hours before serving it. The fries… lets just say, those fries have never seen potatoes in their lives. We had about three good fries and the rest were just over-fried oil. Like the oil was literally dripping off it. I told the waitress that they were inedible and she replied with a very blunt “OK”. What I hate the most about these burger places is if you have to pay extra for a sauce. I mean, paying extra for some fucking ketchup?! Really? That shit should be on the table, with some fucking mustard as well!!! Also, please avoid their ‘spicy mayo’ unless you like the taste of air, and their homemade ketchup unless you really love celery.

Finally, a male waiter arrives at our table and tells us to leave. He literally said this ‘Ihr müsst jetzt gehen’. We said sure, our friend is just about to finish her drink… ‘Nein jetzt müssts wirklich gehen!!!’ He even raised his voice! Obviously I wasn’t gonna let that slide and told him everything I thought about this shit-hole he calls his work place and his awful attitude and how him being so rude is a great way to making sure we won’t ever be coming back to this place again. He turned quite red and tried to save his ass by saying no I wasn’t rude.. I’m not raising my voice bla bla, but I left him a nice silent but deadly fart and was out the door before he could apologize.

We left. For good! We wanted to try their cheesecakes, but with such an awful atmosphere, who’d wanna stay another minute in there? So we went to McDonalds and had a nice cheeseburger there, and I gotta tell you, it was so satisfying.

I don’t know man, the whole burger hype in Vienna is driving me crazy.

There are soooo many burger joints in Vienna right now, but for some reason it almost feels like the restaurants that don’t actually specialize in burgers, seem to have the best burgers! I mean, I would choose a Halle or Zweitbester burger over a Burger Meister or Chiq Chaq burger any day (with the amount of liquid that comes out of their burgers they could literally stop the drought in California ! Their American apple pie is delicious though and their staff is soooo friendly) But hey, what about Weinschenke? Weinschenke has some seriously YUMMY BURGERS.. but it makes me suspicious.. is it yummy because its genuinely a delicious burger or is it yummy because you have to wait for over any hour for it and at that point you’re so hunger you’ll friggin eat anything at all. Also at Weinschenke.. after a certain time (I think 10pm?) they let you smoke indoors… EW! I still really like their burgers, but last time I had to wait for 1 hour and 20 minutes for a simple burger with cheese.. and that was not so cool. Oh and one more thing about Weinschenke.. it’s EXPENSIVE! Burger Masta is sadly a place I will not be going back to unless they change their menu. Damn. That burger still haunts me to this day. Burger Bros and OmNom burgers are quite good though! I’ll be going there again for sure!

A Cheeseburger and Bacon Burger at Burger Bros

I haven’t been to every burger joint in Vienna yet, so I am still on the look out for the best burger in town. Tell me about the best burger you had in this town and I’ll post about it on here! x

P.S. I love those super cute and small Siopao burgers at Hotel am Brilliantengrund. Its not your typical traditional burger (it’s Pinoy food) but it’s definitely worth trying! Look at this tiny tofu burger! Yummy!

What We Do In The Shadows

January 4, 2015 / 0 Comments

I’ve recently watched the funniest film in the world and you should watch it too!

It’s called What We Do In The Shadows and it’s hilarious!!! It’s about four vampires who live in a house together and it’s basically like a ‘reality TV show’ where the camera crew follows the vampires around and they talk about their lives. It’s extremely silly and absolutely brilliant! Plus, it’s got Jemaine Clement from Flight of the Conchords!!!

WATCH IT!

You’re welcome.

Ludwig Und Adele

December 8, 2014 / 0 Comments

There is something about Ludwig und Adele which I just love. The atmosphere and overall vibe of that place is just so welcoming and comforting somehow, and the people that work there are so unbelievably friendly! BUT… sadly, no ones perfect.

Their burger – ‘Ludwig´s Burger‘

Served with no fries. Its a baguette type bread and the blue cheese is so overwhelming. Basically it’s not a burger, but more of a warm, wet sandwich.

Their mushroom soup- ‘Klare Steinpilzsuppe mit Vacherin Mont-d‘or’

Stay away from their mushroom soup. It will haunt you in your worst nightmares. I ordered it with a strange feeling, but after asking the waitress whether the soup is any good she said : “I like it! And if you like mushroom soup, you’ll like it too!” I felt a bit more confident. Also the fact that one Euro of the 4,50 goes to Wiener Tafel was nice too. The soup tastes like wet socks that were dipped into a very watery street pigeon broth and to top it all off, they added some dumpster diving mushrooms. Don’t do it ya’ll. The waitress saw that I barely touched my soup and asked me if something was wrong with it.. I told her it really didn’t taste very nice and she said: “Oh no! I never tried it but heard it’s good!” Why did you recommend it to me then Arghhh (this was not said out loud).

My first encounter with Ludwig und Adele was at the Resselpark tent thing in Spring. I bought a drink and it was delicious and it was in these amazing Ludwig und Adele bottles. I paid Pfand for it as well. Then when I was clearly finished with it, one of the barwomen asked me for the bottle. I told her I would like to keep the bottle, as I paid Pfand for it, and normally, if you don’t want your money back for it, you can just keep the bottle or cup or whatever (right?!). She freaked out on me.Big time. Literally. She must have been menstruating because her tantrum was a bit over the top for something as silly as a small glass bottle. Naturally, I did not give in, and I still have the bottle today, as a one flower vase. I love it.

I still would go back to Ludwig und Adele’s though. I really do like it! I will just be a bit more picky with what I order…

Julie Pop Bakery

November 2, 2014 / 0 Comments

Last month I ordered some super sweet cake pops for my boyfriends birthday from the one and only Julie Pop Bakery!

I ordered five in total. One to look like The Clonious, one to look like Jovan, one to look like Cid Rim, one to look like Dorian Concept and one to look like yours truly.

I chose five different flavours: carrot, vanilla, chocolate, almond and coconut. They were all super cute and delicious (carrot was my personal favourite)!

I think the Dorian Concept one is spot on! Whatda ya’ll think?

P.S Top Left: The Clonious, Middle: Me, Top Right: Jovan, Bottom Left: Cid Rim, Bottom Right: Dorian Concept

Hotel Daniel I’m Sorry

Last year, just after my three week stay in London, my boyfriend tricked me into staying at the Hotel Daniel for a night (in Vienna).

He picked me up from the airport and told me he urgently needed to pick up a USB stick from his friend who was having an office party. Obviously me being very tired (all the time) I didn’t notice that we actually went inside the Hotel Daniel. We went to the very top floor with the elevator and I still didn’t realise what was going on, but I did find it quite odd that I didn’t hear any music although it was an “office party” so bla bla I finally realised it was a surprise and yeah I was too tired to care too much because I just wanted to sleep and maybe have a G&T. No. Hotel Daniel doesn’t have a minibar in the room. Why? Because “There is a bar downstairs”. Well guess what Daniel, there’s a bar downstairs at every friggin hotel! But they all got minibars too! Ok fine fine. We were at the very top. The view was nice! The view of Vienna. It was beautiful! But on the other side, the view was of another persons flat. Actually he was wearing a bathrobe and really shiny red slippers all evening. Lets call him Albert. He was reading some magazine for a while and then we got bored of him not jerking off or doing anything exciting so we gave up on Albert. Alright so bed time. It was the end of August and it was cold outside. Raining actually. But guess what. Hotel Daniel still had its air conditioning on full speed. My nose was runny. My boyfriend went to the reception to ask them how to switch off the aircon. Oh that? No you can’t. It’s the central air con and we didn’t know that it would be so cold so soon this year so we can’t switch it off I’m afraid. Ok. Easy, we’ll just freeze to death. The room had a bath tub and two showers. I’m guessing Hotel Daniel has some seriously dirty customers. The Hotel Daniel soap/shower gel was amazing though. We naturally took one home. Were we allowed to? Not sure, but aren’t all those soaps at the hotels there so you can take them home with you ? And the remote control batteries too right? (I’m from Azerbaijan) Oh yeah, there was also a weird hammock in the room. I was guessing it was used for sexual purposes at it smelt of dried cum and wet dog. The shower room obviously didn’t have a door and both showers had perfectly see-through glass, so it’s definitely not a room to rent for just buddies or family members, but could be a thing for cousins (again I am from Azerbaijan).

It was just so cold in that room, and watching Albert all snuggled up on his expensive looking couch with the TV on and a glass of what looked like whiskey, made us feel like some sort of fashion bloggers (all fashion bloggers are dead inside). I slept with my socks on and used the hair dryer in the morning to unfreeze my feet.

I’m not a hater. I wanted to be fair. I went to Hotel Daniel again, but just for lunch this time. My meal was a combination of dead pigeon and moist cat food. Luckily the lunch we had was revolting which was nice because it made us finally agree that Hotel Daniel is all looks and no quality. Sure it has this cute hipster bicycle loving we make homemade cake and we like burgers everything here is written in English with a pinch of what we think is humour we are so relaxed and international but our receptionist will greet you with a GRÜSS GOTT, but Hey – looks just aren’t good enough anymore, Daniel! The staff is very friendly though. Didn’t charge me for the meal as they also agreed that what I ordered was not very good and they actually told me they wanted to put that dish off the menu anyway. In fact the staff is so lovely that it wasn’t easy to complain about my food and tell them that I couldn’t touch it anymore.

New location. Graz. Hotel Weitzer. Same owner as Hotel Daniel. Our room had the amazing Hotel Daniel soap/shower gel thing and also a dirty panty hose next to the bed. Which was nice cuz it’s always good to know how well the room was actually cleaned after the last guest. Apart from the nasty panty hose, I can’t remember much as I was at the elevate festival all night.

Ok so I conclude. I did not have a very good experience at Hotel Daniel. The food is not good. The soap is amazing. The staff is lovely. The place is trying too hard to look cool and hip and forgot to invest in actual good quality stuff. Would I stay there again? Probably not. But maybe. Never again. Who knows. But I guess so. Na. Definitely. Doubt it.

This soap/shower gel thing is the only reason I would go back to Hotel Daniel.